Equivalent Exchange

"Looks like you've had your share of losses yourself. Surely you've gained something back. You do believe in equivalent exchange, don't you?"

"But how can that be? I've spent years devoted to alchemy, that damn principle, getting my arm and leg back and my brother's body... that's our dream! We keep looking for something we can do to balance the equation--to earn it back, but I've never turned it around the other way. Where was the equivalency then?! What have we ever gained for our losses? It's always been a one-way current, just a series of us giving to the void... Everything's been taken from us!"

"A dream to get everything back to the way it was... But once you have it, what will you do with your life? The pleasure of a dream is that it's a fantasy, if it happens it was never a dream."

"...Maybe you're right... But I still have to try..."

Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist.

I think that quote describes Edward's emotions about his situation perfectly. By the way, that's the dialogue from the dub from I think... episode 14 or something? It's the one where the girl jumps Edward and steals his leg to give to her grandpa, and he ends up "venting" to her grandpa over some tea. And I said I'd go more into the back story of this picture with the coloring of it, so here it goes:

So recently, I've felt like I've lost a lot of the world. And I've had some blessings come my way, such as some major music accomplishments, which I'm definitely grateful for, but certain circumstances make me feel like I'm missing something--that I've given something up but haven't received anything in return to make up for it, like I'm pouring what I have into a void with no choice but to walk down a path that hurts. And if you don't mind, I'll get religious for a bit: I once heard that for every tear of sadness that you shed, God will repay a thousand times over with tears of joy. I'm not sure I believe that, as I don't think I've experienced anything like that. But I think I'm willing to have faith that it can come true. "Help me thou my unbelief" right? Though if the chance and opportunity arises, I'd definitely take back what I've lost. I definitely long for everything to return to the way it was, but unfortunately, time never turns back for anyone or even slows down for anyone. I suppose that's what hurts the most--looking back on those wonderful memories, and then returning to the present where the moments of the past are nothing but a past dream. Though I think as I walk down this hurtful path that may last a very, very long time, at least I know I have God at my side.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!